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What do I do?

June 21, 2008
Something’s gotta go wrong, ‘cos I’m feeling way too damn good…
On the whole, it had been a fairly good week (apart from ‘women’s problems’ and an uncooperative underling at work), and I’ve managed to ride the ups and downs fairly well…I think….until now.  The weather does not help, as it’s been wet and grey all day…very depressing…and I’m beginning to feel like a trapped animal, which is probably how Robert is feeling right now, too.
My health problems forced me to give up my main job, so now Robert is doing three jobs just so that the mortgage gets paid, which is leaving him tired and with no time for us…while I sit here, between doing little jobs about the place and generally feeling like crap!  I’ve never felt so useless and worthless in my life, and I jus don’t know how to deal with it.
I had such a strong feeling, earlier this year when we were on the verge of losing our home, that things were going to improve, and that by the summer our situation would be good again…but at the moment things are looking bleak once more, with Robert’s main job on the line. 
I feel so sick.
4 Comments leave one →
  1. tigr permalink
    June 21, 2008 7:37 pm

    Oh my poor darling.
    I had no idea you had all these worries and yet you still find the time for old fools like me.
    I don\’t know what to say that could help except i care about you because i know you are a real person with a real life
    and if we had met in real life we would be great pals.I respect you tremendously and you and your man must fight on together,solid as a real team,it is the only way to survive what ever life throws at you.
    My wife and i had to rebuild our lives once when every thing seemed hopless but we survived and now we have a different life
    but just a real and important as the one we thought we could not survive without.
    You have a strong and kind character and how ever low you get ultimately you will go on and enjoy life.
    I know this is true because i believe in you as a worthwhile person who deserves happiness.
    Remember my hammy motto and you are not alone …ever.

  2. Sandi permalink
    June 21, 2008 10:33 pm

    Thank you so much for your kind words…like I said before, you\’re a star. But less of the \’old fool\’, okay!  I\’m right behind you, so that makes me old, too!  I\’m not old…I\’m a recycled teenager…!!!  Oh, who am I kidding?!
    Seriously, I wrote this, turned off the computer and went and had a \’snot-fest\’…my eyes are sore and I\’ve got a piggin\’ headache, now, Tommy!  Then I remembered my old blog entries from 2006, so I came back, put the \’puter back on and found your lovely, inspiring message….thank you, again…I\’m feeling better, now…can\’t see straight, but feeling much better…
    Bless you

  3. Princess permalink
    June 22, 2008 9:03 am

    Yo Sandi, I understand how ur feeling, coz I have felt like that many times, when my hubs woz under the threat of Redundancy & it happened & he woz made so, about 6 diff times. The sicky feeling is purely down 2u being worked up about it. As 4 feeling like a caged animal, I always feel like that 2, especially on grey, dull days & even if it is horrible, the best thing 2 do is getta bitta fresh air by going 4 a little walk. We are virtually in the same boat as u at the mo, my hubs is a Driving Instructor & he has gone really quiet, people just can\’t afford 2 take them at mo, so we\’re really feelig the strain & financially things aren\’t meeting up. I always try 2 look on the Positive side of things & those 4 me, is that wotever happens, WE FACE THEN 2GETHER, we have been thru a lot worse & come out the other end & we will do so again.  Something will turn up & the horrible corner ur at now, u will get around it 
    Wot we found woz that we\’d try & hide our fears from each other, or take it our frustrations out on each other- at the end of the day that helps no one!  My suggestion that I always felt better 4 doing, is 2 go up 2 ur hubs & just give him a BIG HUG & tell him how much u Love him & that ur so glad uv got him & u\’ll face things 2gether & ride the storm as one. I think u\’ll find that u both feel so much better 4 it! Coz we always did, it made us stronger, pulling us together & making us more posive- We can & will beat this! U just have a cloud over u at the moment, there will be a silver lining, I hope u see it glimmer soon! Sending all the Positive & healing vibes ur way that I can. BIG HUGS 2u both, Luv PF XXX

  4. Sandi permalink
    June 22, 2008 12:16 pm

    Thank you…yes, I agree with you…we have suffered setbacks and challenges before, and always come through, but it always feels that just as you begin to relax a little…WHAM!…we are hit by another bloody brickbat!  Sometimes it\’s hard to put a brave face on things, and something gives…I guess it\’s like a safety valve.
    Robert snapped at me, which was only natural, seeing as he had taken on another job (night security) and is already working seven days a week…he\’s the best.  He does what needs to be done, and I only wish I were better, again, and could go and get another job to take some of the pressure off of him.  I feel it all the time, and wish I knew what I could do to earn some more money.
    Enough of the negative!  Something will turn up!  Focus on the positive…!

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